I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
