well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
