Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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