In the future we'll all be gay
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
