I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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