If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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