ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
