She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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