pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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