I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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