Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
