Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
