would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
as a side note pls kill me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
