you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
