no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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