he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
