so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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