apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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