Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
