when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
