So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
