What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
