smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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