Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
