Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
