He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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