She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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