He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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