I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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