apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
