My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
