Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
