The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
