my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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