Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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