billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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