one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
