I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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