I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
