in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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