I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
