I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
