Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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