mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
