I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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