addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
