Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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