nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
