thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
