he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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