What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
