i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
