My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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