hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
