she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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