Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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