She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
